I’ve been thinking about anger lately probably prompted by a Bible reading about Jesus : And when He had looked around at them with anger, being grieved by the hardness of their hearts, He said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored as whole as the other.
Mark 3:4-6

Jesus’ anger is so much more holy than mine.

I got angry at my boss today. He’d asked me to write a synopsis of our quarterly financial statement for the Board, to “show them how much I really know about this stuff”. I thought it was strange, almost like having to “prove” that I know the finances of the company. I’ve been there 19 months. I better know the finances.

So, I did as he asked and emailed it to him. He came and told me it was “really” good but had a few comments for me. He emailed it back–his editing reads like the Beatitudes in a RED LETTER edition of the Bible. Boy I was ticked. The worst of it was that he and I both know a CEO (Chuck) who edits all his staffs’ work just like this. I’d even mentioned it how irritated it had made me when I worked for him and that I’d pretty much just stopped trying to develop my report for him, knowing he’d just re-write it anyway. These weren’t grammatical or spelling errors. These are stylistic differences.

He came over later and asked if I’d had a chance to review his suggestions. I responded that I had and that I wasn’t in the mood to speak with him about it. I told him that the first thing I thought when I saw his changes was that Chuck had edited the paper. And then I did something else. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The thought occurred to me that he had not meant to be like Chuck. So, I said to him, “I’m pretty sure that being like Chuck is not one of your goals in life.” My boss had not tried to hurt my feelings. Yes, he had, but that was not his intention. And so, rather than barf on him my anger, I felt calm and level and not really so very angry anymore.

Lord Jesus, please help me to always see people this way–not intentionally wanting to hurt me. It happens, but Lord help me to give the people in my life the benefit of the doubt. And help me as I forgive their transgressions, to recognize my own and ask for forgiveness too.

Mark and I will have been married 12 years tomorrow. We decided to go out to dinner tonight since we both look forward to Vespers on Saturdays at St. Peter’s. Vespers is Mark’s favorite service. I am partial to Matins because I love the reading of the Psalms. We went to the Cheesecake Factory in Brea. Mark had this huge steak and I had beef ribs. Yummy. We brought home the cheesecake. It was a very nice way to spend the evening and end the work week. We went early and were seated right away. When we left, there was a line and people waiting outside.

Our best friends came over on Thursday evening to catch up. They brought a chocolate cream pie. It’s funny to see them a few times a week but not talk to them much. The nave is not a place to visit–the atmosphere demands reverence.

Dad’s license was suspended today. The notice came yesterday from the DMV. I thought they would at least have him drive or take a test. But, the notice came with no real options. He can request a hearing but I doubt that will be successful. He is very angry. Some of the things he says would be comical if he wasn’t struggling so. I told him that if he gets pulled over with a suspended license, they will impound his car. He told me he would just move to another city. Like that will help. He can read, but doesn’t comprehend. He thought the letter said he had to go to the DMV on Friday. What it actually said was his license was suspended on Friday. I doubt he will stop driving unless he gives up the car. We shall see. It’s funny–driving is one of the things he can actually remember how to do.

Mark and I became catechumen last Sunday. It is the first step in joining the Orthodox Church. I was expecting to be nervous. I thought I probably would not sleep on Saturday night. Instead, I slept fine. Sunday morning was fine and I felt very peaceful during Father Patrick’s prayer over us. I thought I might even get emotional; I teared a bit, but my heart was very peaceful. I am sure we are doing the right thing.

Glory to God!

I love our new Parish. I love the scent of the incense (anyone laughing out there?).

I love the people (even though I don’t know them well).

I love the Matins’ reading of the Psalms.

I love when Lisa sings, especially the song which includes the line “why do you look for the living among the dead?”.

I love the fact that the nave is sacred and we are expected to treat it that way.

I love that we have to “join” the Body by being chrismated.

Mark and I went to a Vineyard Pastor’s conference years ago at “big” Vineyard. Don Williams spoke about disention in the churches and folks leaving because of being angry with one another. I remember Don saying something like “you are a family, deal with it”. I get the feeling that this Body really believes that.

I think that the worst part of leaving the Vineyard was that very few people called us at all. They were our family for more than 7 years. Mark spent more waking hours at the church than at home. We prayed with them and celebrated with them and cried with them. We poured our hearts into that family. Don’t you call family when they move away? Don’t you keep in touch? We have been gone for over 5 years and I’ve only stopped sending birthday and anniversary cards to many of those “friends” this year. You see, there’s less than a dozen people that ever responded.

So, I never wanted to join another church. I was happy with our little group. We called and wrote and checked up on each other. When I found out that Jason and Deb were attending Monrovia Vineyard (to keep the kids involved with a youth group), I was a little ticked. I was secretly happy when I found out that Jason was having a tough time sitting through the whole church thing. It was threatening to me that Jason wasn’t satisfied with our little body.

But I knew something was missing. I knew that I wasn’t becoming more like Jesus. I stopped reading my Bible and even doing the morning prayers. I wasn’t spending any time with Jesus. Now, I miss worshipping the LORD if I don’t do it every day. Thanks be to God for leading us to St. Peter’s.

Christ is risen!