Warts and All
May 25, 2008
Barbara
Fr. Patrick spoke today about the Samaritan Woman at the Well and her encounter with Jesus. He spoke about the tendency for us to “color” the events in life so we don’t look so bad (my simple words, not his. He is much more eloquent than I). Even in confession, he says that our pride keeps us from really airing all the laundry, but only saying enough to make us feel we’ve confessed the issue (again, my words, not his) even if not fully dealing with it.
When Jesus turned the conversation back to the Woman’s life in John 4:16-18 Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”
Because we are exploring Orthodoxy and not yet Illumined, I have not yet confessed to my Father Confessor. God grant me the ability to air all my warts with honesty and the mercy not to receive what I deserve for what I have done and said in this life. Those of you who know me, will tell anyone that I’m not known for my tact (to put it mildly). I would not be a good politician. (Of course politics has two parts, Poly which means many, and Tics, you know, blood sucking creatures.)
See, there I go again; I am nothing if not sarcastic. So, for many years, I have asked Jesus to keep His blessed hand over my mouth. (I can hear you all laughing, but I really have and you’d probably be amazed at the number of retorts I’ve not uttered.) I never, ever say things to intentionally hurt people but sometimes they come out that way. A beautiful, loving and giving woman told me today that she was hoping that this community would not disappoint me. Oh, Lord, it is my hope that is I who do not disappoint. Please Lord, keep your hand over my mouth.
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1.
Mark | May 25, 2008 at 7:22 pm
I could do it for you honey if you want. Just kidding. I love who you are and who you are becoming. Let’s do it all together.
me
2.
Christina D | May 25, 2008 at 7:36 pm
I suffer from chronic foot in mouth syndrome! (I won’t name names, but there are others at church who do as well!)
3.
Patty Joanna | May 25, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Dear Barbara,
I commented on Debbie’s blog a few days ago…here I am bothering you now.
We, too, are dealing with the dementia thing. It is hard, especially when the spiritual status of the “losing it” person is uncertain, at best. One thing my husband has done (it is his dad) is to tell him, “Dad, I have some prayers I need to say” and he SAYS them, in front of his dad, from the Orthodox prayer book. The reason he does this is that one never knows what is going on in the mind of another, and the worst thing would be that the “other” *wants* to do something about his spiritual state, but doesn’t have the words. At least by saying the prayers, my husband is giving him the hearing of the words. It is just a thought.
I can’t tell you how much I have grown in admiration for my husband as he has dealt with this. He has made amazing sacrifices to see his dad every week, to be with him and be kind. And his thoughtful response to the spiritual state of his dad is a good one, I think.
Kind regards to all four of you. I’ll try not to bother you too much, but I am praying for you all. You are very dear to God, and increasingly so to me!
Patty Joanna
4.
Patty Joanna | May 25, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Dear Barbara,
Oh, by the way, confession is really easy. You just go to every member of your family and all your friends and say, “What do I need to confess?” It is not a mystery to them–if they will only tell you the truth. Just take dictation. (I’m only sort of kidding.)
One of my most fervent prayers is that my saint, Joanna, will put duct tape over my mouth. I know how you feel in this blog post.
Me again…talking.
Sigh.
5.
Patty Joanna | May 26, 2008 at 2:43 am
Dear Barbara,
I think my comment on confession was flippant, looking at it now. I apologize for that and ask your forgiveness.
Of course, the problem is rarely knowing what one needs to confess; the problem is actually doing a good confession with true repentance. This is not easy, but it is good and it is necessary, more than I could have imagined–or yet understand.
Kind regards,
Me again
6.
Barbara | May 26, 2008 at 7:24 pm
Patty Joanna,
Not to worry. What you said is probably true–our family members usually get the worst of us, not our best.
Do you blog?
Blessings
Barb
7.
Patty Joanna | May 26, 2008 at 7:55 pm
Dear Barbara,
Thank you for your kind forgiveness. I really do need to get that duct tape thing going.
I have blogged, but it is pathetic. It’s like this: I really like to write. I’ve spent enormous amounts of time writing all my life. Over the past 20 years, it has been in email and business plans, then in personal emails and on an interest-based BBS. I started a blog. Long story short, it turns out that I write better in responsiveness, not into the air. I write conversationally, not unilaterally. So the blog drifted off. Then, I started again…and then I really got intensely involved in the journey to Orthodoxy, and it was too personal, too intense to blog about. I admire the tar out of you four who can blog about such intensely personal things. So much of what you say–regardless that we are not necessarily coming from the same place–resonates and states what I would have said if I had been able to be forthcoming. But I couldn’t do it.
Well, the blog is somewhat limping along. Maybe I will make a post now.
Part of it is that I don’t have a PC. Well, I do, but my son is on it making movies or my husband on it playing Spider solitaire half the time, and so I just don’t have a PC, even if everyone in this house thinks I do. (Yes, I’m bitter. smile)
Well, here it is, for what it is worth: http://wpms.blogspot.com/ I had to go to another site to link to it; I can’t even remember my own blog address. That should tell you something.
Kind regards to all 4 of you.
PJ
8.
fatherpatrick | May 26, 2008 at 8:22 pm
…the mercy not to receive what I deserve for what I have done and said in this life…
The Savior of the world gives us nothing relating to our deservings, but rather according to the Great Mercy. Do not fear! It is God’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom.
So what is at stake? our humility and willingness. “If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat of the fat of the land” (Book of Joshua)
How delighted I am to get to know such a tender-hearted soul like you!
9.
Patty Joanna | May 28, 2008 at 8:30 am
Dear Barbara,
Indeed I have blogged in the past; the blog became moribund during my walk (run) to Orthodoxy, as it was too private to talk about and nothing else was interesting! Maybe I will pick it up again. In the meantime, the addy is here: http://wpms.blogspot.com/ “wpms” is “words per minute”, pronounced “WOOPmz”…it’s about all I guarantee. My son named the blog.
Kind regards,
Patty Joanna
10.
Fr Patrick | June 21, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Hey, I didn’t know about the etymology of politics until you explained it here. Thanks!