Although, it does say the He must become more and I must become less….

Yes, I am the LAST of our foursome to post on our first Orthodox baptism, Chrismation and Pascha services. I too like Debbie lost track of how many hours we spent and the number of times I pushed Mark up those stairs. By the time Holy week was over, I was exhausted. I am not a very good “night” person.

The emphasis on Christ and the Cross was so real. Not that the past Easter services have been unreal but that I could actually image Christ there in that room and that He conquered death. I think the coolest part was when the entire room was dark and the candles started being lit from near the cross and spread through the entire room. I could see the “tomb” like room become full of Christ’s light. Very awesome.

Then, on Sunday afternoon, we went to the Pascha picnic. The members have been very nice but I’ve been worried about “fitting” in. Not really fitting in, but trying to make new friends at a new church. Our home church is so easy for me. People come and I don’t worry about my house or what we’re serving or that there are no snacks tonight. Oh, well. Yes, it’s been easy. But these new folks, this new place, they are “HOLY”. No, I know not perfect, but there’s such a feeling of holiness in the meeting room (I’m not even sure if it’s called the sanctuary). I feel far from Holy in that place. I feel like the Chief of sinners in that place.

So, a couple of the ladies come over and sit next to me and we start talking about kids. I tell them I have 3, one in jail and the other 2 in a shared custody arrangement with my second husband. Yes, I’ve just told them I’ve been married 3 times. I’m pretty open about my warts and zits. (Talk about being unholy and a sinner.) The ladies begin to share their lives. They’ve done the same things as me. They’ve lived the same crap.

Well, almost. My father and one of my 3 husbands was an addict and I hated them both for how it affected my life. And I wasn’t married when I had my first son (whose father was an alcoholic).

I share this not to make myself appear less sinful or more holy. I am chief of sinners. But these lovely, gracious, warm women have been through the same things as I have and have welcomed me into their fellowship. I am overwhelmed. And before you think, “well, yes maybe there, but once they have a chance to think about it…”, I’ve been invited to a women’s tea and planning meeting in 3 weeks. Yes, warts and all, I’ve been invited. Mind you, I’m not bragging. If I boast of anything, let it be of Christ. I just feel loved. Of course there are more warts that have yet to be revealed, but I’ve feel much more at ease disclosing the rest of them.

Thank you Lord for bringing us to this church. Show me how to love as these ladies do.

Goodbye for now…I was listening to Frederica today. Goodbye started as God be with ye. I think I’ll be using it more.

Yes, the Protestant Easter has passed yet we are still fasting. The Orthodox calendar and the western world calendar are not even close this year. Pascha (the Orthodox Easter Day) is not until April 27th. Not that I am doing the “whole” Orthodox fast. This Orthodoxy is something we are “trying on for size” so to speak. So, Mark and I have attended some services and have gone to an informational session and given up beef (not all meat and dairy like most Orthodox Christians have done). These services and the fasting are very different from the loud, blaring music of the Vineyard where hands were held high in worship and where we “gave up something” for Lent.

There is singing, but no instruments. The voices are beautiful though they sing unfamiliar tunes. As I stood there (most people stand through out the entire service), listening to the voices, I was amazed at how angelic they were. I closed my eyes and the sound was so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes (as it is doing now).

Five years ago, we read a book at one of the week-day studies started by Mark and Jason at the Vineyard. It was “The Illumined Heart: The Ancient Christian Path of Transformation”, by Frederica Matthews-Green. Little did I know that this book would bring us to this place where we are now : exploring Orthodoxy.

Frederica is a wonderfully gifted and humorous writer. Today, I am reading another of her books “Facing East”. It’s wonderfully descriptive of the traditions and rituals of her small Orthodox Church led by her husband, previously an Episcopal Priest. I am enjoying her journey and her knowledge as she enlightens me as to why certain things are done the way they are.

When we left the Vineyard, I never expected to go back to church. I incorporated our small church (Community of Faith, San Dimas). The leaving from the Vineyard was so very painful that I never wanted to go through it again. Most of pain has gone and the anger subsided. What is left is an openness to what God has planned for us.

It’s funny–as I re-read the previous posts I’ve written at this time of year, they focus on me and my tax season, etc. That’s part of what’s so different at the Orthodox church–it’s not about me at all. It’s all about Christ.

Lord have mercy.

Barb