Well, it’s April 15th. Mark and I managed to make it through TAX season and all the stress that it causes. I even did our taxes this year and didn’t file an extension for them. I remember being in the ER at Foothill Presbyterian Hospital during this time last year and thinking I was having a heart attack. It turned out to be GERD, but at the time, it was very scary.

As the date grows close to the end of April, we are approaching the one year anniversary of leaving the Vineyard. That memory brings a rush of feelings I’d thought had gone. My daughter said something the other day, “you know when you weren’t going to church much”. So many of those old feelings of betrayal and anger and being pushed aside came flooding back. OUCH!

Does the fact that I still feel pain over it mean I haven’t forgiven? And how does one ever forget being used so wrongly? Does Jesus forget that he, an innocent, went to the cross for me, a sinner? Can I ever hear a name without my nerves tensing?

Jesus, you alone know my deepest hurts. You alone are the healer of my soul. Cause me to look only unto you and not back into the past. It is finished.